Show #2:

Show #3:

From Cathedral Show #3

You can also download the full text of this play.

Video by Jessica Waldrop and Mike Krentz.

one, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine, ten.
Exhale—leaf into Ashes.

Scribe of revolution.
Ceremony.
Exhale—get into position.

Ashes to Ashes. leaf into Ashes.
Selah.

Ceremony, worship.
Exhale—painting a façade.

Ashes to Ashes. worship.
Exhale the Scribe of revolution.
Selah.

Ceremony: Spray-paint screaming back
from the Church wall—

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth;
I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.”
Matthew 10: 34

II.

i remember the music at that loft party,
the way you, Bill Cosby, walked in
and smiled, listening to James Brown.
i like standing by the speakers.

and when I didn’t have a drink—truly alone—
you came dancing up and kissed me quick.
i didn’t notice the martini you were extending.

“Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag”
and I remember
the stumbling conversations.

I was red-faced; asking, “So,
how many seasons of the Cosby show
did you make?”
and you smiled—
it was a dream come true.

i remember you talking about Marvin Gaye
and Jello over the grinding woofer in my ear.
it was a dream come true.

my stupid awkward questions, “Is it true,
what they say about black men?” a pause—
you were never one to talk dirty in public.

But you did.
Leading me down corridors, opening
a maze of doors, wandering
with you until we could find silence.
it was a dream come true.

III.

A.
i grow old . . . i grow old . . .
i shall keep my big bills rolled.

doing blow with god,
watching him snort up
all the county lines.

B.
In this office—
Every Tuesday is tropical
Tuesday.

C.
I saw you swallow the grenade,
The way your stomach ballooned
like something that only happens.

in cartoons, any way to numb the pain.

IV.

“So, let’s open this up for discussion.”

. . . (flipping of pages) . . .

“Ok, I don’t really see what these have in common.”

“Yeah like look at the last one,
I can see my words appearing on
the page as I say them.”

“But?”

“But I don’t get it.”

“So does that make it mean nothing to you?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“But you are in the poem.”

“I am.”

“That means nothing?”

“I guess so.”

Lucas Bubbles’ favorite place in the entire world is inside the chimney. Lucas loves to get dirty, so dirty in fact that it is almost impossible to tell who he is with all that ash and soot covering his face. Since Lucas is always inside it, the Bubbles never use the fireplace, and have placed a plank of wood on top of the chimney in order to keep bugs and birds and other things outside from getting in their house. His favorite place is right in the middle of the chimney: not too close to the bottom so he can’t be seen, and not too close to the top in case he might accidentally knock the wood plank out of place. He likes the middle best because when his mother calls for him, he can stay silent as an oak tree, and still as a rock, and pretend he is just one of the bricks, part of the chimney. Lucas Bubbles is nine years old. Neither Lucas nor Betty have ever been outside of their house.

Of course, his mother knows full well that he is up there. He always is. She likes to let him play his little game. Lucas and Betty’s mother’s name is Margaret Bubbles. She runs a molding shop up Brucksbin Avenue and to the left two blocks on Beefles Lane. She doesn’t like to stray too far from the house. The name of her shop is Margaret’s Molds. She molds everything people bring in, including their faces, ornaments, boxes, road signs, shells found on the beach, playes, chicken bones, umbrella sticks and handles, you name it, she’s molded it. People bring in the most curious of items to her, just to see if she can make a mold. And she does, almost every time! Margaret loves everything to fit in a mold; it makes her content and comfortable. The only thing Margaret couldn’t mold was a human heart. A person brought theirs in one time, and as much as she wanted to mold it, she couldn’t figure out how without killing him. Margaret Bubbles is 39 years old, and has been married to Matthew Bubbles for nine years.

Matthew Bubbles uses his car as a taxi service for the town. He knows the streets backwards and forwards, every shortcut and time saver. Since he married Margaret and became a father nine years ago, he spend easily over half of his awake life inside his car. He spent nearly all his time in his car before that. He cherishes the comfort of having people in his taxi with him and not having to talk to them. They tell him where they want to go, he goes, gets paid, and that’s it. Matthew Bubbles is 42 years old, and likes going home to dinner at his house, every day at six o’clock.

At this time, the Bubbles family leaves their own bubbles to join in the bubble of themselves. They don’t talk very much, but Lucas sits there covered in soot (except for his hands of course), Betty has her three most favorite stuffed animals with her, Margaret displays her latest mold (today it was a tiara), and Matthew leaves his keys on the table. They eat and stare at each other until they finish. Then Matthew grabs his keys, and the jingling symbols that it is okay for everyone to return to their respective worlds, very warm, comfortable and safe.

Now on one electric, fall day, Betty Bubbles did something very strange.

She said, “Daddy? Hewgret wants to go to school.”
“Who’s Hewgret honey?” asked Betty’s father.
“Daddy, you know Hewgret is my medium sized brown owl you got me last Groundhog’s Day,” replied Betty.
Matthew told her, “Okay, well Hewgret and you can go to Mommy and Daddy school downstairs, just like Lucas is, okay?”
“No Daddy, Hewgret and I think there’s a school where other boys and girls go, who have other stuffed animals so Hewgret and me can make new friends and see new things and have new ideas,” said Betty.
This notion made Matthew uneasy. If his daughter experienced another world, and liked it, and didn’t want to go back to the Bubbles, what would that say about the Bubbles family? The idea scared him. He discussed it long and hard with Margaret, and she didn’t like it one bit either. But, after enough persistence on Betty’s part, they decided to let her try one day at Pin Point Elementary.

Betty packed her things and grabbed Hewgret by the wing and jumped in her dad’s taxi and went to school. Matthew’s heart dropped right down to his stomach when she stepped out of his taxi and waved goodbye. He watched her go in the classroom and when the door to the classroom closed and his daughter passed out of sight, he drove away.

Martin Living, a student in the same class, immediately fell in love with Betty Bubbles. He sat next to her as they learned about very interesting things, like homeless people, and atomic bombs, and war, but also about foods, different languages, and friendship, and stars and churches and other neat stuff. Then Martin noticed Hewgret.

“Who’s that?” he asked.

“This is Hewgret, my favorite owl in the whole world. He wanted to go to school,” replied Betty.

Martin looked confused. “You mean you didn’t want to go to school?”
“Well, I guess I did, but it was mainly Hewgret’s decision,” answered Betty. Martin Living began to get somewhat jealous of Hewgret, which to him was just an inanimate object.
“That’s weird,” he said. “I didn’t need anyone to tell me what I wanted to do. It’s just something I decided all by myself. I wasn’t scared or nothin’. Were you scared?”
“Well yeah,” Betty said. “Bet then later Hewgret said if I get scared I can just come home and get under my animals and go to Bettlonia and everything will be okay.”
“What’s he sayin’ now?” asked Martin.
“Betty looked at Hewgret for a while. “Nothing,” she said. “Hewgret? Hewgret? How come you’re not talking anymore?”
“Because,” said Martin. “He’s just a stuffed owl. He can’t say anything. You probably just said it yourself and thought it was him or somethin’.” Betty Bubbles started to cry. Martin put his hand on her soft head and said, “Don’t cry. C’mon, it’s recess, let me show you how play on a swing. The wind when you swing is wonderful.”
Betty looked back and forth between Hewgret and Martin Living. Hewgret wasn’t talking anymore, but Martin looked at her with bright blue eyes full of love.
She left Hewgret there and went to play with Marvin Living. Pin Point Elementary had popped her bubble.

She found Hewgret and grabbed him by the tail when school ended and she jumped in her dad’s taxi, which was waiting for her.

“How was school, Betty?” asked her father. She did not respond. They got home
and Betty did something that terrified Matthew.

She grabbed as many of her stuffed animals as her tiny arms could carry and threw them in the fire place. She took a book of matches and lit Bettlonia on fire. Matthew stood still, dumbfounded, not knowing what to do. Lucas cried from his favorite place in the chimney and came crashing down, covered in soot and coughing from the smoke. Eventually the smoke began to fill up the room, and then the house, and finally three of the four Bubbles were forced to leave their home. Lucas saw the outside world for the first time, rubbed the soot from his eyes, and squinted at the sun. He swung his arm through the air and liked how it felt. Betty cried, “Mommy!” and Matthew suddenly snapped out of his trance. He gathered his children in the car and sped with great purpose towards Margarte’s Molds on Beefles Lane.

Margaret Bubbles, baffled by Betty’s decision to want to leave Bettlonia, had been trying to make a mold of her own heart. The only way she could think to do it was to swallow the mold. She knew this would kill her, but at least she would have fit her life in a mold, if she couldn’t fit Betty’s. She was just about to drink when Matthew crashed his taxi through the front of Margaret’s Molds. Every last mold in the building fell to the ground and broke. Margaret dropped the drink from her hands. All the windows in the car had shattered, and the cool, outside air touched Matthew’s face.

Of course, the Bubbles were okay. Not even a scratch. They walked away from the wreck towards their house a few blocks down. It was burning down, down to the ground.

Martin Living told his family what happened to the Bubbles’ house, and they showed up with shovels and bricks to help rebuild their life. Although all their worlds had been demolished, they all turned out okay, and saw things now in a completely different way - they had been afraid of breaking their bubbles, but now they saw there wasn’t any reason to be frightened. Margaret Bubbles didn’t try to fit things in molds anymore; she decided it was better to let things breathe and grow and live, including her heart. Now she paints new, beautiful things from her own imagination. Matthew Bubbles started a walking service. He goes to people’s houses, and walks with them wherever they want to go, and carries wonderful conversations with them along the way. Betty Bubbles continues to go to Pin Point Elementary and sits with Martin Living. Inseparable, they continue to learn together, side by side.
The Bubbles house is now up and running again, with a new kind of life surging through it. Lucas Bubbles can be seen around the neighborhood, causing trouble and having fun. His favorite thing to do however is to get clean in the bath so everyone can see his face, sit with his family, and watch the fire breathe up the chimney.

Note: Titles (in all capitals) indicate the scenes available for performance; any combination and any order can be used. Four or more sets of actors and/or readers is suggested but not necessary, one actor to play Kay and Kurt in each scene. The same actors can certainly be cast in several (or all) scenes. The actors wait either on stage or in the wings until chosen in some fashion and then perform their scene as rehearsed. The set remains the same for most, and must be able to accommodate any scene in any order.

BEGINNING

(KURT stands in front of the audience, he is dressed well and speaks slowly. He sings a soft song.)

KURT (Imitating the sounds made by guitars and drums. Pianos and chimes. He is not a good singer.)

I let snow fall on frozen yesterdays!

I’ve earned today.

I’ve earned today.

And we make love beside the waterway.

I burn today. I burn today.

Yesterday I will burn for the times I did not learn.

Behold the rose of Jericho.

How many lines I do not know

Today I burn

Today I burn.

(Lights up to reveal KAY)

KAY
Do you know what the serenity prayer is?

KURT (continues to sing)
Say do you know who do you think you’re fooling? I’m a consecrated boy.

KAY
Let me teach it to you. It’s hard to remember at first. It is worth knowing. Listen!
God.

KURT
You lost me already.

KAY
Your momma loves you

KURT
She rocked me like the rock of ages. She loved me. Loved me loved.

KAY
I’m not a devil calling your name. Dear God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

KURT
Kay.

(They stop. At this point the designated members select the next scene. They choose from the remaining titles.)

FOR HER, HIM

(KURT and KAY sit side by side on the couch; he gets up to leave and then moves to kiss her.)

KURT
Hey I guess I have to go, so I’ll

(They remain face to face,)

KURT
I am going to kiss you do I have permission?

KAY
Yes

(They do.)

KURT
Hey I

(They kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss, no clothing is removed. No parts are touched.)

KAY
You have to go, go where. Go over to where the place is.

KURT
What?

KAY
Over to where you live

KURT
Where I live.

KAY
Go there. Oka

(She moves toward him, they kiss and kiss. Lights fade slowly.)

DRAPES

(KAY and KURT. She is on top of him, both are fully clothed. They have obviously been kissing. She moves in for another. They both speak dreamily, in and out of coherency. Literally reeling. She moves and speaks so slowly and with such exquisite sureness and warmth that it is like she is floating. KURT is a bit more urgent, self aware, slightly frightened.)

KURT
Hey. Wait now. I. It’s been a long time for me. Do you know? So. If I don’t do everything right. I’m a little rusty is all. God I love you.

KAY
We’ve only just met.

KURT
Well then if not you, then all of this. The room. Even the temperature.

KAY
72 degrees. Not Celsius.

KURT
Not Celsius you mink. You are such a fox.

KAY
What were you saying before?

KURT
That I will likely not be practiced.

KAY
Practiced? What. Are. You. Talking. About? Goosefeather.

KURT
I wanted to tell you that I may not be any good.

KAY
At what duck?

KURT
At this, at what’s coming up.

KAY
Quack! You are a swanling. You are ugly now but you will be prettier. Where is your long neck pelican?

(He laughs and they kiss. She touches his neck and chest)

KAY
This is our nest. (She looks around them.) These are our feathers. (She shakes her hair back and forth).

KAY
These are our bills. (She touches his lips).

KAY
And right here, right in our chests? Is our heart.

It is our wings.

(Lights fade out slowly as they kiss.)

KAY TYPES

The spelling mistakes are intentional, as they represent the actual typing that KAY does throughout.

Lights up on KAY and KURT, they are in their living room, a large one. There is music audible from nearby, fast and happy. Loud. KAY and KURT are both present. She sits in front of a portable computer on a large wooden desk. Her upper body is clearly visible and she faces the audience. KURT sits nearby on the floor, he is half dressed. He is on his knees looking at her computer screen, he speaks slowly and has difficulty seeing the screen.

KURT
Kay my love I’m just telling you what the scene is man. For good and bad. There’s a whole world out there. For better and for worse. Froghead.

KAY (quickly, not paying attention, still typing)
Kurt you are the frog head.

KURT
That’s what you say!

KAY
Type type type type I am typing, type!

KURT
What is this? This typing? You.

KAY
Messaging. Instant.

KURT
You are going to be really fucking bored, typing about math. And you’re going to be really
(HE pauses for 45 seconds reading what she types and watching her hands, KAY continues to type furiously.)

KURT
Fucking bored.

(HE pauses, KAY types intermittently throughout the following, KURT inches forward until he has reached the desk)

KURT
Let’s say. Ok, you are familiar with math?
So I’ve. I’ve. (His head dips forward and lands on the desk, audibly.)

KAY (typing and talking)
Are you cold dude? Make art! Back straight. (He does so). Hi.

KURT (upright again)
What are you typing?
(He looks at the screen)

Really!

(At this point the script so far appears on the wall or on a screen behind them. This is for the audience’s benefit, it cannot be seen by the characters.)

KURT (on screen, appearing as Kay transcribes what he says.)
Oh my God that’s fucking awesome.
Allright.

(He stops and Kay stops. He kisses her on the cheek.)

(KAY stops and returns the kiss on his cheek. Then, loudly)

KAY
Make art! Of . The ocean.

(He runs around and turns the music up)
KURT
Oh shit, is what I’m saying. Where is becomes to … what… to be large. Where monstrousness is a liability. Fast forward to the grave yard man!

(All of it appears on the screen typed out as before. This will continue throughout.)

(Kay types)
What do you think of that. I don’t know?

KURT (loudly, yelling randomly)
Are you a good typest?

(Kay types)
Hell no. This is like what.

KURT
How’s your back? (He skips to another room)

(Kay types)
No. oh shit, robert is drinking my boos.

My booze.

I’m not talking. Oh my god. Only genious results. How do you do that.

KURT (runs up and slides to the desk, he kisses her head, the following appears on screen, as he says it)
How do you type without looking at the kyes.

KAY (typing and talking)
keys

(Only typing)
I don’t know. I’m probably doing a poor job.

KURT
Kay. This is my drink. What have you been typing this whole time I’ve been gone?
(He runs to the kitchen with the empty glass.)

KURT (Exiting to the bedroom)
Am I going to be sad when I read this tomorrow?

(Kay types)
What is sad, kurt? Fuck I’m messing this shit up. Sorry You’re staring at me. hi.

(And then says aloud)
KAY
The suspense is killing me.

KURT (walking back into the room, he has been getting dressed, now he is wearing a nice shirt with a tie undone in his hand.)

Do they say that in the Charlie and the chocolate factory? The suspense is killing me!
What are you typing? I see you typing!

(KAY laughs and starts typing again.)
What am I typing? I’ve no fucking idea.

KURT (not looking at the screen, only at her.)
I wish I had a camera to take pictures of your face.

(KAY types and shakes her head)
It swould be ugly. Do you want to be a genious. No. I don’t want to be regarded as one. Nothing is robert’s fault. Oh shit. Like what I don’t know. Secret. Look at that grin, dude. Lets make some art? Is this art?

KURT (softly, pokes her cheek with his finger.)
I’m serious. Is this art? Is this special? I’ve no clue.

KURT kisses her again and then goes from room to room getting ready and cleaning a little, he drinks throughout and sings along with the loud music KAY types both quickly and slowly throughout.)
(Kay types)
What people. Because I don’t see the value of action… but words?

What if I’m typing isn’t aren’t real words… it’s something else entirely. Oh. But do they lose their value? I don’t think they had value to begin with. Oondoggie. Gidgit on the beach. My computer doesn’t like me.
ku is dancing… bouncing really.

Kurt once told me that he thought his mammal brain had stopped working and that it was terrifying him His reptile brain was there noww It was very scoary to hear that beig said.

Its balance its balance its balance

KURT (from another room)
How can we get them to fix that problem? No I’m asking you how can we get that issue resolved? If you you’re telling me that when we walk into that room tomorrow there is going to be a pile of fucking what all then I can’t be there for that. I need three pieces of paper that say what needs saying. So. Get it.

(Kay types)
He told me one time that he hated to argue like that, that it was bad. I said but in certain settings it is good. Doesn’t it feel powerful, to be smarter than someone else? And then prove it and everything? He said no. because certain parts of you had to like it in order to do it well and those parts were insatiable. And they took and took and didn’t give. And I
(She stops typing)

(1 minute and thirty seconds pass, KAY sips her drink and lights a cigarette. A new song is heard, KURT enters and sings along with it loudly.)
KURT
The screen door slams. Mary’s dress waves.
Like a vision she dances while the radio plays,
Roy Orbison sang for the lonely, that’s me and I want you only
Don’t turn me home again
I just can’t face myself alone again.
Don’t run back inside
Darling you know just what I’m here for,
So you’re scared and you’re thinking we ain’t that young anymore,
Show a little faith, there’s magic in the night.
You ain’t a beauty but hey you’re alright

KAY (throws a pencil at him, laughs)
Hey!

KURT
Oh and that’s alright with me.

(Kay types)
Mumusic is loud. shit. I make lots of spelling mikstakes..

KURT (glancing over her shoulder, scans the screen)
I like it. I like it.
(He kisses her and tickles her, she laughs loudly.
He leaves again, running about.)

(KAY types)
There becomes a point when this isn’t special, then its nothing. So it might as well be. Wha????

Nothing else.

is trying to say important things. Just relax just relax I mean. Is anything important? Oh shit. Good song, Kurt wants to sing and dance.
Math is cool Kurt… joinn my bandwagon. Beauty and love… where is it. Lets chancge the music

Eye roll.

Ha ha muhahahaha.

(KURT moves to the desk again, he puts his hands on her shoulders.)

KURT (he waits, kisses her on the cheek.)
You’re drunk and whirling!

KAY
You are swirling! You swine swirler!

KURT
You don’t honestly mean that I am a swine swirler. What is that? I can swirl swine around? In the air?

KAY
No! On the ground you magician! With the swine!

KURT
Oh no! Not after this display! I am not the swine in this rehearsal of tonight’s show you farm girl, rolling in the hay!

KAY (She kisses him.)

KURT
In so many words yes!

KAY
You swashbuckler!

KURT
What? What did you just say? Shall we just go through the list for the thousandth time?

KAY
No. Frog head. (She kisses his cheek.)

KURT
No indeed! How can you when your memory is gone? Where are we today Kay? (He sighs and looks at her.) He kisses her nose and her lips just once.) I love you. So much. Be there tomorrow please. For dinner?

KAY (very softly)
Yeah. Of Course.

(Kay types)
There is a check from Taylor still hanging on the board. kut thinks that I’m saying something amazing.. he hopes that I’m saying something amazing. I’m not. He’s afraid to put something
(KURT renters he is carrying his dress shoes but otherwise dressed. She stops typing and looks at him, he is slightly more serious, the music has been turned off.)

KURT
Hey my little kit cup katty kins. Why is there a check on the board?

(Kay looks at him and slowly starts crying softly, then more loudly.)

(KURT drops his dress shoes, they hit the floor loudly.)

(Black out.) (KURT drops his dress shoes, they hit the floor loudly. Lights dim moderately quickly. The audience chooses another title.)

THREE

(KURT and KAY on the couch, they have been kissing. He is on top of her. Fully clothed. Both are breathing heavily.)

KURT
I’ll whatever is I

KAY
Know don’t I

KURT
Hey I don’t

(They kiss. Both of them sigh and breathe deeply.)

(They move to sitting positions. She looks at his pants. She gestures.)

KURT (soft, a whisper)
What?

KAY
There.

KURT
Where? …

KAY
(She looks at his pants. Moves her eyebrows. Says nothing.)

KURT
Where wolf. … (20 seconds of silence.) Young Frankenstein.

KAY (Immediately,)
There wolf.

KURT
Yeah. … There wolf.

KAY (Softly)
Your pants are wet.

KURT
Yeah. What?

KAY
I’m sorry.

KURT
Thank you. What? What are saying?

KAY (very softly)
I think you came in your pants while we were making out.

KURT (laughs.)
Oh really? (then, just as softly as her) Listen to me, it’s just (not audible) precome.

KAY
Oh.

KURT (uncomfortable)
Hey! Don’t be disappointed! If the answer to your question is: do I think you so attractive and compatible that I ejaculated, the answer is yes with an ‘if’, or no with a ‘but.’

KAY (Shakes her head.)

KURT
No sense made. Speak up.

(Silence for 15 seconds, they stare at each other)

KURT (fast and practiced, serious)
I think you’re the most beautiful young woman in the world and I’d really like to ejaculate all over you. But we can’t do that at this stage. Right now the only thing I can think about is how perfect your eyes look in this room on this night and how absolutely perfect our bodies are made as a way to express emotion. 10,793 miles of nerves and collapsed surface area.
For God and Man’s sake.

(They kiss, lights fade slowly to black.)

UNDERSTANDING IT.

(KAY and KURT stand in their living room, she is holding a string of pearls.)

KAY (incoherent and furious)
No hi-jinks are taking place tonight goddamn it! Said a loud voice in the foyer. John couldn’t decide whether or not to call it a foyer or a foy-yea. It makes no difference now that the body has been found!

KURT
Get to the point!

KAY
All I’m saying is that you’re a pretty baby. La la love you, don’t mean maybe!

KURT
You’re drunk.

KAY
You swine swirler. No! On the ground.

KURT
…

KAY
What am I supposed to tell people, in the right way?

KURT
You dolt.

KAY
Don’t call me names.

KURT
What? Shall we just go through the list for the thousandth time?

KAY
No.

KURT
Where are we today Kay?

KAY
I. This is abuse.

KURT
This is the potential that I have been pushed too far, beyond reckoning.

KAY
I’m not reckoning with you!

KURT
Don’t stretch out the truth on this one Kay.

KAY
You can not threaten me any more!
You can’t control how I see myself and how others see me!

KURT
You should have paid closer attention in class you slut.

KAY (softly)
No more, please, no more, you can’t. It hurts too much. Listen and listen well. I can not and would not if I could, reduce the amount of resistance that I feel for you. We can never be more now. No matter how much you want to turn into something else. But we both know, if more strongly, that you will never find that. Until you’re ready. And then. Maybe. But it isn’t now. Cut us loose and bid the idea of us goodbye.

KURT (angry, vicious)
You and it are done.

(Black out.)

OTHER PERSONS

(KAY and KURT sit side by side on the couch, they are at a counseling center. A sign behind them says counseling center. They address the audience as the therapist.)

KAY
I hated him and then I loved him and then he hated me and loved me. There were ten years where our cycles matched up and he was in love and I was in love

KURT
Holy fuck you temptress. Cycles!? Like the stars? Like constellations? Like the oracles above you? Witch. Are you skrying? You harpy’s spawn.

KAY
To the doctor Kurt.

KURT (to the audience/doctor)
I didn’t see it like that at all. I saw it as seasonal, peaceful. Drifting times that floated by as leaves on a tree.

KAY
Fuck me in the ass that is not true at all. He is mildly ludicrous.

KURT
Ludicrous is a rapper. … A goddamn rapper! Lunatic?

KAY
Lunatic! He’d go into a lunatic anytime we had to go to an event. He’d flip out like a moron, a fully grown retarded man. Didn’t you honey?
(She does not insult him, she laughs gently and good naturedly, sharing a long time joke.)

KAY
Oh you were a sight. You’re so diseased. You know? (Snorting with laughter, uncontrollable)

KURT (goading her, remembering, laughing along)
Oh my fucking lord Kay you psycho, did you hear yourself rambling on or are you even coherent at this moment? What day is this Kay you beautiful thing? What are laughing at you gypsy thief?

KAY
(Laughing with abandon now) And you said, “I think the vacuum cleaner has eaten my keys! My car and house keys!” Yes, oh yes! You made sure to add “house” because you knew, you knew! I’d ask if that included house keys! And then I said

KURT
“It is not possible! The vacuum cleaner has no will, nor no maliced intent.”

KAY
And that was exactly the right thing to say to you to make you say

KURT
My keys are in my pocket. My phone is in my briefcase. (3 seconds of silence.) You know it.

KAY
My watch is on my wrist, my wallet’s in my pocket.

KURT (slowly)
How did you know it?

KAY (slowly, sadly.)
Because I said it too. I made it up as a young girl. It was a rhyme, like singsong

KURT (to audience/therapist)
That we would do under my breath. I thought of the same rhyme, singsong thing as a kid too.

(Together, slightly singing.)

KURT and KAY together
My keys are in my pocket. My phone is in my briefcase

KAY
Except I would say, My phone is in my backpack. I didn’t have a briefcase. Over the years it evolved into a short prayer that

KURT
I’d say, we’d say. Every morning. And we added a little bit about hearts or something.

KAY
But we added that part a long time before we met, like in high school or something.

(Someone from the audience yells out, as the DOCTOR)

DOCTOR
How did you discover this? That you had this in common?

KAY
We were singing it in the morning after the first time we made love. We were getting dressed to go to eat and both of us were singing a little song under our breath while we put on panty hose and also shirts and brushed teeth.

KURT
And while I looked at the most perfect skeleton I’d ever seen.
(After a long pause, KAY laughs.)

KURT (loudly and proud, to audience/therapist)
Someone a thousand years ago thought up the ancient beginnings of the word “serendipity” and then through billions of human experiences since then, the word was refined and shaped. Until it reached its current point of absolute aptness in the form of the look in her eyes

KAY (quickly interjecting, smiling)
And his eyes

KURT
As we sang

KURT and KAY (perfectly in sync)
My keys are in my pocket, my watch is on my wrist, my phone is in my case, my wallet’s in my other pocket, and my heart is in your hands.

KAY
And right when we said “hands” we looked at each other.

KURT and KAY
Right in the eyes. And there was nothing

KAY
More natural, right and good

KURT
That had ever happened before or since or ever will again and forever.

KAY
I loved you so perfectly and with so much of my soul.

KURT (softly)
You became cruel.

KAY
Yes I did.

KURT
And so far away? But so ready to fight.

KAY (slowly)
I did, yes. And don’t say anything else because I can’t agree with you in too many more ways. Now I am telling you I am leaving and going to a better place. Without you.

(Black out.)

TIME AND STRINGS

(KURT and KAY. Bare stage if necessary.)

KURT
What did you say to her? I come home to 5 messages. All from Lisa. What are you doing?

KURT
Do you think I’ve been gossiping? Why would I do that. Why would I say hi, hey did you hear the latest? I got my heart torn out.

KAY
Don’t be so fucking dramatic. Do you go into all this heart breaking nonsense to Lisa too? Is that why I’m getting cold stares from everyone?

KURT
It took her about fifteen minutes worth of small talk and courtly gestures to finally work around to it. And when I wouldn’t do it, when I kept dodging all her questions because I didn’t know if you were telling people or if I should start telling people. What would I say, assuming, incorrectly, that I’d even want to bring it up? So she finally says, I was talking to Beth and she said she hadn’t talked to you for six weeks. She said you divorced. So I said yes and that it was very painful to talk about and could we please change the subject. That’s it. And speaking of gossiping, how did fucking Lisa of all people get to hear it from you directly? Are you just telling anyone now? Because, fucking Lisa, I mean come on!

KAY
All right, two things then, why are you talking to me now, and why didn’t you answer that letter?

KURT
Because I am answering your letter, right now. I wanted to talk to you.

KAY
Why are we yelling then? Why are you angry at me? I just wanted an excuse to call you!

KURT
Well, I’m glad you did!

KAY
Without being the weak one!

KURT
You’re not the weak one!

KAY
Okay!

KURT
This is the part where we stop yelling and talk with less aggression in our voices!

KAY
Oh. Yes.

KURT
That’s much better.

KAY
Yes. I’m sorry.

KURT
I’m sorry too. Very sorry for all of this pain, all of my selfishness. I’m sorry that I didn’t make it easier for you to come back. I made it a trial, some kind of test. It’s because I was sick. I was so messed up. Nothing made sense.

KAY
You were so hard to be with, the ups and downs. It was painful for me too. You don’t know how much I had to store away. How much I had to hold back because I wasn’t sure if you could take it, if you could support me, hold me when I needed it, and not the other way around. I needed someone too!

KURT
I know and I can do that now. I want to do that for the rest of my life! Whatever else I’m capable of I don’t know. But I know that I can love you forever.

(Blackout.)

PEARLS
(KURT and KAY stand in a large kitchen, both are dressed well, they look radiant.)

KURT
Why did you? We waited so long. It’s the longest seven days not of my life but of all lives. So long. No word at all. Was it a test? A trial? Because I felt like I was on a mountain top. Not majestic but jagged. Not beatific. Horrible, like the tip of a sharp tooth atop the empty and flameswept valley in the lowest and most vile part of Hell. A very real Hell. As depicted in portraiture. Hot and terrible to look on with naked eyes that then swell and burst with the fright of it. You gorgeous creature. (He kisses her cheek.) From on high you came to get me. Why did you wait to do it?

KAY
Why did you wait to call out for help? You! I loved you. I listened for the screams.

KURT
What was it like from so high up?

KAY
Not that better you cynic. Come here please. (They kiss for a long time.)

KURT
I wasn’t kidding before, it was so hard. Everyday I had dejavue it was like no time had passed. I feel tested! I do. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know if I should call you or not call you and then I thought about you everyday, at the end of the day. I had to put it off until the end because I got so sad driving home alone at the end of everything! I wanted to drive to you. I felt alone and it was awful! I felt that way. I didn’t remember. And then it made me sad.

KAY (She kisses him on the cheek.)
I felt the same way.

KURT
Goddamn it. You know I’m leaving right? I’m going away. First to Denver and then to the east and then I have no fucking idea. And maybe someday when we are both 900 years old.

KAY
From the aging treatments.

KURT
Yes! From the aging treatments! Yes. And then we will die and as I do so my destroyed brain will mumble something on my cracked and desert dry lips and I my aged brain and broken fucking heart will hear the words that I speak and they will not be: “why didn’t you call her one more fucking time!” (He collapses on the floor in a dramatic reenactment of the event.) Why? Why did you let her get away? You let it all go.” And then I will die, finally. Physically. Which will equal the death of my soul, which I felt the day you didn’t email me back.

KAY (looks around and exits, then, from off.)
Hey, get in here!

(He jumps up and runs off. Lights out.)

GARRISON

(Lights up on Kay, she reads aloud from a letter.)

KAY
Dear Kurt.

(She holds her head in her hands and starts to cry. It is terrifying, 45 seconds.)

(Blackout.)
PILLOWS
(KURT stands alone next to a large statue. He moves to the base of it and stares up. He yells)

KURT
Just let it go! Be apart from her and still be whole. Still be, remain, here. With purpose! Oh God why did you give us so many days and only so few years? A space, a constructed space filled with other people is so terrifying. We hate each other so much. Why do we kill ourselves so slowly with such painted and pointed faces?

(Lights up on KAY at the top of some stairs.)

KAY (with weight and authority)
I’ll tell you why you have dejavue`.
You don’t know all the words you need to know yet. Someday you will and then you’ll know what your brain has been trying to tell you this whole time.

KURT (finished, angry)
What words do you want me to learn? Words like what? Regret? Lost? Time? Scripture? How can you? Tell me to learn words? (He begins to sob, to weep.)
The terror I felt all night, all this week.

Hey Kay, it’s been awhile since we had a late night talk. It’s 1:58 right now, that’s not too late. Let me ask you a question. Do you remember when I loved you? Or is it like saying do you remember when it was humid? (He coughs and then spits inadvertently on his shirt and shoes.)

KAY
Do you want to know why you have dejavue`? I can tell you. Do you want to know?

KURT (He stares at her forever. Then, barely audible.)
It’s not dejavue`. I dream about them. The scenes. The places. All the voices. The weave and warp. I dream it over and over and over and over. All the same people, same wooden railings and lights strung in the back, Christmas lights and smoke and wooden benches or metal chairs like chain mail. Built like armor to sit on. I dream about large houses with people in them and pools and past sceneries that I haven’t seen in years. Lake views and driveways. Large terraces. I hear sirens. Loud sirens, wailing all night. And huge engines revving and revving for no reason except to cause vibrations.
Oh Kay. Oh.
What is the matter with me? Please save me. Oh God.
(He falls over and lies on his back. He screams,)
I can’t. I can’t do it anymore and I am so terrified of the thought of living without it. (He sits up and sobs into his hands.)

KAY (very softly)
You have dejavue` because you do the same things over and over again. You repeat patterns. You want perfection so badly that you want to change things that can’t be changed. So you try them over and over again. And it’s never different.

KURT (Soft)
It’s always the same.
No. I want to change things. Please. I’ll be better. I will. I’ll learn from my mistakes and I’ll fix them.

KAY (Soft)
No, you can’t. It’s already happened, my love. My special and exquisite baby. My perfect and chosen one. How loved you are. But without recourse.

KURT
I remember showering with you. The last time. It was the last time we were.

KAY
Dear God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

KURT
Grant me the serenity.

KAY
To accept the things I cannot change.

KURT
I cannot.

KAY
Dear God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

KURT
Dear God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change!
Oh fuck it hurts. It hurts. Don’t make me do it anymore! I can’t breathe.

KAY
You have dejavue` because your brain is confused because you’ve hurt it.

KURT
You’ve hurt it!

KAY
I love you. You’ve hurt it with thoughts and with chemicals and poisons and pain.

KURT
(Cries.)

KAY
Do you know what to do? You just stop.

KURT (suddenly coherent.)
What will it be like without it? I’m so fucking scared. I don’t know what to do without it. Oh please help me with it. With all of it.

KAY
And when you look to me I will be there to love you.

KURT
The fucking complexes and the way it gets in, so deep. So deep inside that it mixes with my blood and makes it into concrete. And I feel everything. … And it makes my ears ring.

KAY
Shut up.

KURT
It makes them throb. Fuck me. I think all their thoughts. … And we have so many rules, so many tiny lines only inches across,

KAY
Do not talk.

KURT
So many of them lined up one after another and it is so easy to cross them until they are all broken. And then what are we supposed to do?

KAY
Do not think.

KURT
I don’t want to cross the lines!

KAY
I know

KURT
Because it makes people hurt.

KAY
I am baby. I am here.

KURT
I just want them to be safe and happy.

KAY
I know.

I know baby, my love.

(She sits next to him and holds his hand. They are silent for 5 minutes.)

KURT (He looks forward and grabs and squeezes Kay tighter and tighter throughout, her hands, her torso, her shoulders.)
Dear God.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The strength. The strength to change things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

(KAY and KURT together, very quiet.)
It works if you work it.

KURT
Please stay forever. I can’t without you.

KAY
And that is why you will lose me.

That’s the way I learned.
(They kiss and hug. Black out.)

KAY DRIVES

KURT (stands alone, he addresses the audience.)

KURT
Last night I had dinner with a young woman who is bright and shines. And we talked about home decorations and pillows, bedspreads, and she reclined luxuriously And when we drove to places to eat hamburgers and the traffic and the light from a waning sun moved behind her slowly and behind her hair and in large silver sunglasses gorgeous with colors she said “I love the trees and I love rain and the sun” and I thought to myself for the 1000th time, do not forget this, how wonderful and how powerful this is and she is. And I said “you know when there is traffic I think about teleportation, and why don’t we have it yet?” And she looks, with all the lazy urgency of the lifetime before her and says: “I ask people that all the time.”

KAY (Is suddenly brightly lit, she stands far away from KURT)
Also, I don’t want to die. I want to live to be 900 years old.

KURT
Why 900?

KAY
Yoda. And the Bible. Duh.

KURT
Right! How are we supposed to get to be 900?

KAY
Aging treatments. Replace our cells periodically. Replace some organs. Some limbs.

KURT
Super vitamin and concentrated protein injections directly into your brain and spine to keep the nervous system functioning.

KAY
Because it can’t be replaced. Yet.

KURT
Right. Yet. But this ‘yet’ is still 300 hundred years away.

KAY
Bite your goddamn tongue. Try 30 you ostrich luddite.

KURT
Ostrich?

KAY
With your head in the ground. Have you read a book?

KURT
Hey! (He tackles and tickles her, they laugh)

KAY
I mean that it is closer than you think.

KURT
Well I can’t wait.

KAY
Me neither.

(Lights out.)

AND NOW EVERYONE IS MAD

KAY and KURT sit far apart from each other on a gigantic sofa. They are not moving. No one is saying anything.

KURT
Look. I know everything I need to know about lists. I know about how to make lists, how to read them. All of it. I know it all. The reason I don’t keep lists is that my brain is capable of holding them. In there. In there with the rest of my brains!

KAY
(Starts humming. She is furious, this is her outlet.)
hmmmm. Hmm. Hmmm. Hmm hmmm hmm hm hmm hmm.

KURT
If I was a little girl. With tomorrow’s face.
Then I wouldn’t feel compelled to see the dusk.

KAY
Dust is better.

Kurt
That is from another song

KAY
So what? Do it better and no one cares.

KURT
Is?

KAY
Is what?

KURT
My breath

KAY
Spit it out, I do.

KURT
No not now sparrow. Please?

KAY
The hurt I feel is too big.

KURT
Please leave it. Leave it by the wayside.

KAY (singing the backbeat/ drums. Incessant, catchy.)
Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump this

(Silence for four seconds,)

KAY (screams, as if she’s singing)
I’m standing here.

(Lights immediately to black.)
FOUND

KAY is in a hotel room bathroom. She is in front of a mirror. She looks at the cabinet and opens it. Blackout, lights up on KURT in the same hotel room. He is standing watching TV. Kay enters the hotel room wearing only underwear. She turns off a light.

KAY (sadly)
Why didn’t you say something about your condition, I didn’t know anything at all.

KURT
Why what?

KAY
Not why, why didn’t you tell me, what are you taking? What does it do? (she gestures to the bathroom.)

KURT
That? It just regulates chemistry.

KAY
In your brain.

KURT
In your brain, yes. Jesus. (Laughing) why are you only wearing underwear? You had clothes on right? A second ago?

KAY
I am so sad for you! (she runs to him and they hug) I am so sad for you, that you have to take medicine! It sucks for you.

KURT
(laughing and kissing her)
It’s not sad! It keeps me from being sad, you goofball, you’re so beautiful you.
Oh, you cry for the world’s sadness don’t you?

KAY
I do! I do and it sucks. I hate it so much.

KURT
Hey, look at me. Look at me in the eyes now I am good.

KAY
I know. They kiss and hug.

KURT
Why are you wearing this underwear?

KAY
To make you feel better.
(They kiss.)

KURT
I feel better.

(Lights out.)

After the plays have been selected and performed:

Lights out.

End of Play.

I entered the sun room where he sat on the white sofa, hands politely folded, his black marble eyes fixed on me. I moved to the leather armchair across the table and sat. He ogled me. It was uncomfortable.

“Donny,” I said – that’s what he called himself, Donny – “Let me start off by saying that you are an exceptional, and I don’t use that word lightly, you are an exceptional actor.”

I paused for effect then I forced a smile and nodded appreciatively. Donny’s eyes did not change. They registered no inflection. I wondered if there were any gears of any kind ticking behind his avalanched brow.

“Our agency has reviewed your portfolio. Your experience is…” My eyes drifted to the manila file folder in my hands; it was worn and felt like flannel, and it looked like it had been chewed on. The pages were torn and the ink smudged. Whoever took his head shot made no attempt to mask the tenuous, dough-like flesh of Donny’s face.

“Your experience is…” I wanted to be polite. “What we’re looking for is an actor with a comprehensive portfolio.”

The bulk of Donny’s career consisted of theatrical renditions of “Frankenstein,” which required neither speaking lines nor sudden movement. Recently he had been reduced to Geico commercials. Outside of that he’d done a few bit TV parts, and ballet.

That last bit conjured disturbing imagery. Ballet? God, an eight and a half foot green man, flesh barely clinging to his bones, body frame like a chimney, undulating to the music of Stravinsky and wearing a tutu? Children would have nightmares for the rest of their lives.

My production was a ballet. It called for a Green Giant at the beginning of act II and my casting agency had originally considered him for the part. The only responsibility would be to stand motionless holding a teacup poodle. And let’s be honest, who could be more perfect for the part? But the cards weren’t in it for Donny. We’d found someone else a few days earlier – made for the part, according to my boss. But Donny’s interview was already set up, so I had to go through with the formalities.
I closed the folder and drew a breath, “However…”

I watched him, no feedback.

“We don’t, um, feel that you’re quite what we’re looking for. At this time.” I took his lack of movement and speech as an indication that he did not fully understand what I was saying.
“We’ve decided to pass on you.”

Stoic Donny.

“We wish you the best of luck in your career – all good things.”

I wanted to get out of there. If I walked out would he understand?

“Listen, it’s always been our policy to encourage budding actors to resubmit portfolios. Maybe we’ll be able to plug you into a future production.”

I stood and extended my hand. Donny’s eyes followed me, but he did not move.

“Thanks for your time,” I said.

His weight hefted forward and he rose to stand. His shoulders touched the ceiling and his head hung low. I felt like a kid. A bully. He delicately took my outstretched hand and shook it. His back scraped the ceiling as he slogged toward the door.

His portfolio was still in my hand. “Donny?” I offered it out to him. He looked at it for a moment, as though in thought. Then he looked at me, he looked through me. “Don’t you want it?” I asked. He turned and crawled out the door.

Once he was outside he stood, but he still looked confined. He walked away, heavy as if thoroughly soaked by an unseen thundercloud.

I walked to the open door and pulled it shut. As I watched him go I idly thumbed through the file folder in my hand. On the last page, under the bold print that said OBJECTIVE Donny had written, “donny not good, he know, but acting he love. only thing he love.”

My agency wouldn’t book him in a million years. He was too creepy. He wasn’t saleable. No matter how hard he tries he’ll only ever be a monster.

He didn’t need his portfolio anymore. He’d given up. This was his last interview, his last attempt.
I watched Donny trudge off into the woods, and through the double paneled glass sun room windows, I heard him cry.

He rose from bed, walked unsteadily across the room to his miniature bathroom. “Walked” was perhaps giving him too much credit – he stumbled, cursed, stumbled again, and stepped on something that irreparably broke.

He splashed water on his face, cold water. As cold as his faucets would allow, which meant somewhere just below lukewarm. It seemed to help, at least a little bit. He could focus his eyes now. He no longer saw his apartment as a colorful field of fuzzy jumbles. The jumbles rearranged themselves into his fairly depressing collection of earthly possessions.

He toweled himself off and heard, faintly, the sound of clinking glass in the kitchen. A voice called out: “Coffee’s ready.”

Davis stepped into the hallway and walked towards his undersized kitchen. A full pot of coffee steamed on the burbling automatic coffeemaker. Just to the right of that on the counter, at about chest level, was a man’s face.

Or, to be more specific, a man’s head.

Where the man’s neck logically should have continued down into his body, there was a small metal platform that sprouted spider-like metallic legs. They clicked softly on the kitchen counter as the head skittered from side to side.

This was Gantry. He said: “I would have poured you a cup, but these things’re worthless for gripping,” and gestured meaningfully with two spider-legs.

Davis’ coffee was properly sugared and milked now. He was almost ready to deal with his guest.
“I…” Davis began. He stopped, drank another slug of red-hot coffee and winced.
“I thought you were in Greece.”
“I was. Can you push the front page over here?” Gantry read the headlines, snickered, and flipped to page two. “I need to stay for a few nights. Not too long, don’t worry. I don’t take up too much space, after all!”

“So… what are you… um… doing back in town?”
“What, can’t a guy just come for a visit?”
“…um…”
“Seriously, though, I was wondering if you could do some enhancements for me. I can throw some cash your way. I know you could probably use the money.”
“I… don’t… um…”
“Don’t be all proud. It doesn’t suit you.”
“What are you talking about?”
Gantry giggled. “C’mon, I’m just fucking with you.”
Davis drained the rest of his coffee in one gulp. “I’ve got to go to work. Don’t break anything while I’m gone.”
“Alright, alright. Five o’clock, right? I can keep myself busy until then.”

Sparks sprayed across Davis’ workbench. Gantry was held in place with a clamp. He winced every time the sparks came.
“Fuck!” he growled. “That shit burns, man!”
“Hold still.” Davis was a perfectionist, but he was also a tinkerer. He would never pass up the chance to improve on one of his previous inventions. Nothing was better than making something more perfect.
“This shit better be worth it!”
“This was your idea.”
“Yeah, but I was drunk when I came up with it.”
Davis switched off the torch and pulled off his goggles. He flipped open a panel, and made a connection. “There. It’s done. Try it out.”
Gantry picked up a wrench with his new claws. He whooped and yelled and waved it around in the air like a madman.
“Look, I didn’t do this so you could knock my brains out. Put it down.”
“Sure, fine, whatever. Got a cigar?”

“You’re kidding, right? You haven’t made anything new since I left?”
Davis sighed and folded his arms. He should have lied. Why hadn’t he lied? He had a problem with being too honest. He picked up his drink and sipped quietly.
“I mean, come on… a guy like you? You’re a fucking genius, man! I mean, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you! Sure, that thing with the girl didn’t really work out, but… the idea was genius, and the execution was 95% there, you know?”
There was a long silence, then, while Davis stared into the distance. He could remember that experiment. He could have done it right… he felt like he knew how, now, but it was too late. So much work lost, so much time gone. If only they had done some more testing…
But that was ancient history now.
“I haven’t had any new ideas.”
“Nothing?”
“Nothing.” Davis was thinking very hard about not crying. “I’ve been getting a little desperate, to tell you the truth…”
Gantry puffed on his cigar thoughtfully.
“I think I’ve got a solution.”

“Are you sure about this?” The strap holding Davis’ forehead to the bench was slowly tightened. He felt himself sweating underneath it. Gantry skittered into view.
“Yes, of course I’m sure about this. Now, what kind of anesthetic is your favorite? This one will put you out completely…”
Davis tried to nod, and then remembered the strap. “Sure.”
“Okay, just relax. I’ll count down from ten. Ten. Nine. Eiiiiighhhhhhhhhhhhh…….”

Everything was black.
Davis was comfortable in this place.
Very comfortable.

He’d just go for a wander, that’s all…

…a little wander…

Davis woke up in bed.
It felt different somehow. His head was resting on the pillow, but… he couldn’t feel his legs. He looked down. Two metallic claws waved back at him.
He remembered now.
Davis skittered to the side of the bed, crouched, and then leapt to the floor.
Everything looked so… different. So… tall.
He could get used to this.
There was a folded piece of paper on the floor next to the doorjamb. It was labeled “Davis” in a florid cursive script. Inside, it read:
“Hey man, thanks for the trade. I hope this helps you get a new perspective on things. We need as many of your ideas as possible. They make the world a better place, you know? I’ll take good care of the old boy, and I’ll have him back to you in about two weeks, a month tops, once my business is done.
Keep it real!”
The letter was signed “Your friend, Mr. E. Gantry.”
Davis folded it back up and set it to one side.
He skittered through the door towards his workbench. His mind was racing. He saw blueprints in the air currents, gears and ball bearings bounced through the hallways of his brain. The world seemed to glow from inside… it was fresh and new, his for the taking.
He coiled his legs and sprang the few feet up to his workbench. He would need paper to make sketches, and pencil to sketch with. He shuffled through the clutter on his desk and pulled out a fresh sheet of paper. He then reached into his pencil-holder and pulled out a good sharp one.
He began to sketch, and had hardly finished one line before the pencil broke. He tossed it aside and grabbed another pencil from the holder.
This one barely finished the rest of the line before it broke.
He was about to reach for another when a phantom chill ran up the memory of his spine. Had he gotten the leverage wrong? Should he have done further testing before installing the claws?
He surveyed his workbench and the broken pencils.
This could be a bit of a problem.